6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
