don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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