If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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