ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
