How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
