i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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