I heard we made out
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize