just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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