only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
