dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
