I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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