Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
