Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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