he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
