I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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