Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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