by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize