Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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