all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this just has baby written all over it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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