there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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