OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
