There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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