Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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