Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
