Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They took my balls.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
