I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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