Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
