first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
