I wish I could punch you in the face.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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