Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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