Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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