me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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