she looked like the before picture.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
