Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
