She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
