I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
