how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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