Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
