Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're a waste of cheezeits
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
