He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
