i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am available for nakedness
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