Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
