My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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