How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
