420 ftw
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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