forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
