the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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