i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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