i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
