so explain again why im purple
no
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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