Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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