remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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