you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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