I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
