I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
