..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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