Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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