so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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