I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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