I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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