Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
