Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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