I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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