im holly from the hills drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
