3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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