when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry about my life...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
