Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
