a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
