I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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