Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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