i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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