i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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