I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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