cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
