so that wasnt chicken after all
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
