We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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